Elliottt Kropf’s friends say he often was one of the first people to greet new kids at school, Monsignor Rob Kinnally, pastor of Saint Aloysius Parish, said Monday morning.
Elliott Kropf. Photo courtesy of the Kropf family
The New Canaan High School senior also was a person who remained loyal to his friends “when it might be easier not to,” Kinnally told a standing-room-only crowd several rows deep, gathered for the teenager’s funeral Mass.
“That he loved the game of hockey so much that he taught other kids how to play the game, so that they would have something to belong to,” the monsignor continued. “Something that made them feel like they were masters of the highest degree of destiny, and thus very much a part of something that at one point they thought maybe they could never do. Teachers of anything never do what they do for fame. They give of themselves for the sake of their students, so that those same students will have the tools and confidence to go out into the world and do great things. It is so sad that Elliott is not here to teach. But we will learn what it is that God wants us to learn from Elliott’s living and dying… My friends, our time in this church is an opportunity to begin to understand how God was and always will be part of Elliott’s life.”
An ice hockey player remembered by his family as a kind, gentle, open and honest person who loved the sport and his teammates, Elliott Kropf died Sept. 14. He was 16. In his immediate family, he is survived by parents Ngoc Dinh and Scott Kropf, and brothers Charlie and Harrison.
Teammates gather in a circle around Elliott Kropf’s number 22 on the strand at Weeburn Beach Club following a funeral service at St. A’s, Sept. 23, 2024. Credit: Michael Dinan
Fellow students and hockey players from New Canaan and Darien, and hundreds of members of the wider community attended the funeral service led by Kinnally that examined the connections between Biblical passages read out by Elliottt Kropf’s friends—Lamentations 3:22-25, 33, 49 read by J.T. O’Neil and Revelation 21:107 read by Teddy Goetz, as well as a Universal Prayer read by Tony DelCarmine and another friend— and Elliottt Kropf’s own life and legacy.
Included in the Mass program was the following message from his family:
To the New Canaan, Darien, and wider community,
On September 14th, 2024, we lost our beloved son Elliottt and our world changed. We continue to experience depths of emotion that we didn’t know were possible. To add to this pain, as parents, we feel responsible. We know his friends are feeling this as well, but Elliott’s friends are what gave him life and brought him joy, and we are so grateful. Please give yourselves permission to grieve without guilt, because you have none.
We keep searching for answers, for the why or the signs, and they elude us. We may never understand, and even if we did find something, we would never understand. It would just give us another direction to focus our immense sorrow.
Elliott loved life and had plans. He relished the independence that getting his driver’s license gave to him in May this year and was putting on a lot of miles connecting with friends, whether it was at someone’s home, out to a meal, helping a friend, at the hockey rink or golf course, or at PetSmart getting toys for Bauer and Pixie and our foster dogs!
Elliott was starting to plan for life after high school with his first college visit scheduled for early October. But he was keeping his options open and starting to look at schools to do a PG year as well. Wherever he was going to be, he required that hockey be a part of it.
Family was important to Elliott. Many times after hockey practice through the years, he brought candy home and he always picked up something for his brothers. He was very attentive to Harrison and was always trying to teach him mostly about hockey on and off the ice. He loved coaching the other young kids as well and would have had a lot of fun. And would have as much fun on the ice with them as they were. This year, we were looking forward to Elliott and Charlie, both playing hockey for the high school and growing closer.
We know that Elliott loved his mom and dad. He and his dad were very close until the teenage years when he naturally gravitated more to friends. But Elliott continually surprised his dad with thoughtful gifts on father’s day or from places he’d been. If his dad wasn’t there when he achieved something that made him happy, he would always text as soon as he could with the details and videos. This year, Elliott had hockey practice that overlapped with Mother’s Day brunch we attended, so we let him know that we understood if he missed it, but he wanted to be there, so we did our best to hurry through so Elliott wouldn’t be too late!
Anyone who has been involved in any of Elliott’s activities over the years, from daycare to CCD to all kinds of sports, know that his grandpa was a big part of his life besides being a constant presence and shuttling around to activities. Grandpa took Elliott one day every week when he was young for a ‘grandpa day,’ doing all sorts of things.
Elliott’s friends meant the world to him. Through hockey, his friends and coaches turned into brothers and role models, and he loved them all. Recently, we tried to get him to try out for the golf team, and he told us that he didn’t care about golf. It was just a way to hang out with friends. He got that right. And when he wasn’t at the rink, he was on the golf course learning, teaching, or just hanging out with friends.
Elliott’s last day was perfect. He spent the day and went to dinner with a great friend who let us know that he was smiling and laughing and just being Elliott. We cannot express how comforting that was for us.
That night he did what he loved most. He played hockey. While it was split-season, it wasn’t just any game. The team he was playing against had primarily Darien High School kids, including many of Elliott’s former teammates and good friends. Before the game, he was talking and stretching with a big group of friends from Darien High School. It was heartwarming to see.
When he got home after the game, he did everything he normally did, and he even told us that they would beat Darien again in the regular season. Truthfully, he said this about most teams they played, but he certainly had the right attitude!
Well, we are floored by the amount of support we are receiving and could not begin to thank everyone appropriately. All of the cards, letters, emails, texts, etc. have been wonderful. While we haven’t been able to respond to many, we read them all and they help more than you could know.
We are reading all the personal stories sent to Elliott22forever@gmail.com and can’t tell you how happy they make us feel at this difficult time. We were already proud of the young man that Elliott became, but much of his life was away from us at school, sports, or with friends. Reading more about his life is making us laugh, cry, and smile. Elliott was kind and gentle, open and honest to a fault. Just the kind of person we hope for him to be. Please keep the stories coming.
Elliott shied away, sometimes ran away from the camera at home since he was a teenager, and did not smile for posed photos. So the pictures we are getting from his friends, where his smile was so natural and his joy was evident, are a treasure.
Thanks to everyone who is helping us through this and grieving with us. Thanks to the New Canaan and Darien communities and schools. To Darien Youth Hockey, whose players and coaches encouraged and supported Elliott’s love of hockey. And to the New Canaan Winter Club and high school hockey coaches and players, who Elliott counted as family,
Elliott’s time here was far too short. He had much more love to give. But he is with God now, and we are certain he is asking to come back because he has to get to hockey practice!
All our love and thanks,
The Kropf Family
The service included the singing of hymns “Amazing Grace,” “10,000 Reasons/Bless the Lord” and “On Eagle’s Wings,” communion offered at multiple points throughout the church to serve the large attendance, the Lord’s Prayers and Sign of Peace. Attendees included New Canaan’s faith leaders, its clergy. During the homily, Kinnally called for those gathered to pray for Elliott Kropf’s soul, for his family and for themselves.
A panoramic photo of Elliott Kropf’s teammates and classmates at Weeburn Beach Club, Sept. 23, 2024. Credit: Michael Dinan
“But we need to acknowledge the frustration and mystery that swirls around in our minds and hearts,” Kinnally said.
He added: “Even a little bit of anger that may be a part of our grieving. Our praying together will help. And I pray that the time we will spend here will help us understand how precious is the gift of life, that in our life with God we do nothing wrong.”
Elliott Kropf collected crosses that he loved, Kinnally said—a collection rivaled only, perhaps, by the teen’s many hats.
“He wore a cross a lot of the time—he was wearing it last Saturday,” Kinnally said. “In wearing it so often, it was his way of saying, I believe, that he was part of ‘Team Jesus.’ Jesus was a great teacher—still is. And by his living and dying, he sacrificed everything for the sake of others, so that their suffering would be covered by his suffering, so that their dying would never be in vain, but would win for them the forgiveness of their sins, and open the gates of heaven for them. Jesus, rising from the dead, says to us this morning, that for Elliott, death does not have the last word. The crosses that Elliott wore stand as a powerful symbol of what God will do for Elliott: Forgive him, pour himself out for him, because he loves Elliott so much.”
Kinnally said the book of Lamentations is comprised of poems “that express the suffering and despair of Jerusalem and the people following the destruction of that city by the Babylonians after 500 years of history.”
“Lamentations is timeless, and it speaks to us this morning about God’s love and mercy as we rest here with broken hearts,” he said. “For us, it is a message of hope in God. He does not abandon us. He knows what it’s like to be us. The passage we read today begins with one of the boldest: ‘The Lord’s acts of mercy are not exhausted. His compassion is not spent. They are renewed each morning, great is your faithfulness.’ God never gave up on Elliott. And while we may never know all that happened last Saturday, we know this of God and Elliott: The Lord is good to those who trust in Him, to the one that seeks Him. We know from this prophetic text that God does not do bad things to people and we hear God does not willingly afflict or bring grief to human beings. Instead, the writer teaches us that God expects us to cry to Him when in pain. Yes, that’s right. God invites us to cry out to him in our darkest moments because what God does exceptionally well is take our broken hearts and bring them to His heart, where healing begins. As the Lamentations writer urges us, lift up our hearts as well as our hands for God in heaven.”
Referring to another Gospel reading at the service, from Mark 9:30-37, Kinnally said that “Jesus will hold Elliott” as he holds a child in the passage.
“I believe that Elliott will love meeting St. Paul,” Kinnally said. “Because St. Paul loves sport. And he often used the analogy of the athlete to get his point across about living the way God wants us to live.”
That includes playing on a team, standing firm in faith and being courageous and strong, the monsignor said.
“Your every act should be done with love—great advice for anyone, believe it or not, who wants live life to the fullest,” he said. “Elliott, not just because he was a great hockey player, but because he truly is a child of God, lived his life that way. Strong and gifted with a generous heart, Elliott did what all great athletes do. It is all a team and love of sport, but he was also, just plainly, a truly loving kid. That quality—being a loving person—always comes from having loving parents and grandparents, and being in a home that is rooted in love. That was Elliottt’s experience. His goodness and kindness were taught at home by his mom and dad, and everybody else who showed up there. There’s a lot to be said about the phrase ‘Home is where the heart is.’ And even our friend St. Paul has something to say about love. It begins at home. He said, Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”
Kinnally called for the congregation to “please continue to be good and loving to Elliott’s family as they grieve.”
“Your love and experience with Elliott are creating for them sacred memories that will help them to rise from their burdens,” he said. “Continue to reflect on the friendship that Elliott gave you, and ask God to give Elliott peace. And take care of each other. Take care of each other. Walk with one another through times of joy, and don’t be afraid to walk with each other through the very many messes of life. All of it will make you stronger and help you to become the amazing person that God meant you to be.”
Elliott Kropf’s number 22 is spelled out with hockey pucks in the sand at Weeburn Beach Club, Sept. 23, 2024. Credit: Michael Dinan
The funeral was followed by a reception at Weeburn Beach Club in Rowayton. There, teammates gathered in a large circle on the strand, hands on each other’s shoulders, for an inspirational speech about friendship, love, connection, vulnerability and support. In the center of the circle was Elliott Kropf’s New Canaan uniform number—spelled out in hockey pucks in the sand. Classmates and teammates—many holding hockey sticks or golf clubs— also gathered on the beach for photos behind #22 on an overcast, comfortably cool afternoon.