‘Tis the Season to Jam It All In

My mother rarely left New Canaan in December, and I couldn’t understand it. While we five kids were at school, my dad was at work, and I thought she was home all day smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee.

Now I get it.

Christmas flowers. Contributed photo

It’s the same bewilderment my husband feels when he wonders what I do all day as a mom and freelancer. I tell him I have my feet up and eat Bon Bons, and that perhaps I shouldn’t do all I do for one whole week and then he would really notice what gets accomplished around the house.

Then December hits, and it’s as if I (dare I say all of us?) feel the need to do everything. Everything. On top of what we already do. There are so many social engagements with other moms, other couples, other families, each child’s school, each organization we frequent, friends from high school, that by the time Christmas Eve and Day roll around to spend with my own family and then my Long Island in-laws, I am pooped. Our boys still get up around 6 a.m. on weekends and Christmas Day, and while I don’t want to rush these precious years with them living at home, I find myself saying, “Boys, you have to stay in bed until seven, and I mean it!” and they complain, “But, MAH-um! I don’t want to sleep in!” and so it will go until they are teenagers who won’t get out of bed.

Here are some thoughts about things we holiday over-achieving New Canaanites should consider when managing our time in December:

Food & Drink: You have to think ahead more than usual for this category in December because inevitably you are either hosting friends and family, or they are hosting you, or you are bringing food or drink (or a hostess gift if you are polite). This is typically when I throw in the towel and order from a grocery delivery service and try to hide the expense from my husband who thinks an $8 delivery fee is outrageous. I then explain to him that my time is worth more than $8, especially because I multi-task, I would be spending money on gas anyway, and he should just think of the laundry I can get done in that grocery delivery window since I never, ever, turn on the TV during the day (the only exception is if the weather is bad, and then I like to check out the Doppler).

Holiday Cards: A lot goes into these time-consuming little treasures, and although I have zero complaints about it, I do everything that has anything to do with our holiday cards from taking the family photos throughout the year, selecting the photo(s), choosing the design, hand-addressing the envelopes, alphabetizing them (this is new as I refer to four address sources), stamping, sealing and mailing them. This is something I take upon myself, and my husband would just as soon save the money and say ‘Merry Christmas’ in person when he runs into people.

Decorating the House: We don’t go crazy, but we like our lights, garlands, two wreaths (one for each entrance) and tree. Inside the house is getting a little knick-knacky and bordering on too much Christmas cr@p. I’ve been collecting nutcrackers for a few years to the point where my third-grader is complaining that we have too many nutcrackers and no nuts in the house. He just wants to crack the nuts; he won’t actually eat them. The boys and I enjoy the Lionel toy train, so we set up a whole winter scene around the tracks if time allows.

Shopping and Gifts: It’s the thought that counts, but if you put no thought into a gift, it shows. Thought takes time, time is money, and it’s all related. This is why my mother never left New Canaan in December. The Internet as we know it today did not exist when my mother was alive, so all of her shopping was in person. None of this Amazon.com business with “free” two-day shipping. Everything we got for Christmas was from a store in New Canaan unless Hobbyland (the only toy store in town decades ago) was out of whatever Cabbage Patch doll or hot new Atari game we wanted, so then she had to make a break for Toys“R”Us in Norwalk. My mother was the ideal consumer for New Canaan merchants: She had five kids, had to shop in town to make the best use of her time while we were at school, and she was not exactly thrifty, so she would see a gift and buy it without much consideration for the price (paying the credit card bills was another matter, but that’s another story).

Colin Smith, from the Christmas pageant at St. A’s. in 2012. Contributed photo

Charitable Giving: Every year we pick a goat and sheep combo from the Save the Children catalog and hope that people actually receive a goat and sheep. It’s a great lesson about giving, and yet also about budgeting. Last year Colin wanted to give a camel to a family in Africa, and that’s where I had to draw the line. The camel was definitely beyond our price range.

Place of Worship (interpret this for whatever holiday you celebrate): In my mind, Christmas is really about church and family, and yet ironically when making our plans for Christmas Eve and Day, I have to remind my husband of the Mass schedule at St. A’s so that we plan around it. After all, there would be no Christmas without Christ, duh. However, growing up in my house, Christmas consisted of a relaxing morning in our pajamas and wrapped gifts all over the living room with the scent of cinnamon buns wafting from the kitchen, and we would remain that way until it was time to go to our grandparents’ in town for dinner. We never once went to church. Don’t get me wrong: I loved Christmas morning when I was a kid. Now, as a parent, I can’t imagine pulling five kids away from such a cozy atmosphere, making sure everyone is dressed and ready to go to church, get the five kids and husband to church, get them to sit quietly through church, and then get home to prepare a huge Christmas feast and perhaps host relatives. Some families in town do that, and I commend their time management. Food prep takes a long time for a large meal, and you can’t baste a turkey or check on the roast when you’re dressed up in a pew in town. All of our time on Christmas Eve and Day is strategically scheduled around food prep. Maybe this is why we only have two kids.

Colin Smith. Contributed photo

Family: The best part of the holidays. By the time we reach caroling on God’s Acre, this whirlwind of activity that is December culminates in exhausted calm and joy on Christmas Eve. Two years ago, when our country and neighbors were raw with tragedy, Colin was in the Nativity pageant at St. A’s on Christmas Eve. He had volunteered to be a shepherd, and we attended a few rehearsals so he could learn his part. Mass was packed that night, and Monsignor had the congregation sing “Oh, Holy Night” unexpectedly before Mass officially started; I believe it was a tribute to Newtown. I had a hard time keeping it together during the service, and the only thing that kept me centered was Colin, when in first-grader fashion he said, “Wait, I have to sit through this stinkin’ Mass before the pageant? I didn’t know that!” which of course brought forth my fierce whisper about respect, how we don’t use the word “stinkin’” in the same sentence as Mass, and the reason for Christmas, resulting in his grumbling throughout the service anyway. I was just glad my first grader was there for me to hug. His job as the youngest shepherd was to raise his lantern (in full shepherd regalia), walk down the aisle to the altar, put his hand to his forehead, and search for the Star of Bethlehem. As soon as Mass ended and the first cue for the pageant was announced, my little shepherd snapped to attention and nailed his non-speaking part flawlessly.

My love for my children, everyone’s children, both the angels and the children in front of me that night, reminded me why all Decembers have always been so meaningful, and why we do what we do, holiday chaos and all, because we just want to express love for those around us.