Letter: Advice to New Canaan High School Class of 2015

Dear New Canaan High School Class of 2015,

Congratulations! You’re reaching the culmination of your high school lives by completing your time in the New Canaan Public School system.

Now you head on to the next stage of your life, a stage that for a lot of you probably seems both incredibly exciting and quite terrifying, at the same time. OK, maybe terrifying is a bit strong—at least I hope it is—because there’s little, if anything, to be terrified about this next step. That is if your next step is college.

To any Class of 2015 graduate who is jumping into the full-time workforce immediately, I commend you. I know I certainly wasn’t ready for that at 18, and wouldn’t have had a clue where to even begin. I wish you the best of fortunes if you are.

But as someone who graduated from New Canaan High six years ago, I have been in all of your shoes pretty recently.

And I possess a bachelor’s degree so I have been through four years of college as well. I also got that degree two years and one month ago, so I have had a bit of an experience in the “real world” too.

Now this information that I’m about to share is almost entirely based on my own individual experience with these past six years. It will likely be a bit different for you, and that’s all right.

But I still felt compelled to offer the story of my last six years. Especially for this graduating class, in part, because (at least off the top of my head) I don’t know any of you on a personal level—therefore the same goes for you with me.

I may have known or gone to high school with an older sibling of yours for one year or more. So I recognize some last names. And I may have even met or interviewed some of you during this past spring sports season when covering games for NewCanaanite.com.

But even if I did more than once, it’s not enough to know you on a personal level. Therefore I hope you take that to mean that I care about your well-being and am offering you this unsolicited advice because as one who has been to the 5-year reunion already, I have some insight that should only help you as you head on to what’s next.

Say ‘Thank You’

One of the first things you should do after graduation—actually before would be even better—is say ‘thank you’ to the people who have helped you get to this day.

You are a big reason why you got to today, no question. However, there’s little possibility of getting to your high school graduation day without some (or a lot of) help along the way.

‘Thank you,’ in my opinion, is a way to express one of the greatest sentiments there is. And while it will feel good to express your gratitude to those who helped you, the ones to whom you’re giving your gratitude will likely have an even better feeling when they hear you say those words to them.

First up is your family, especially your parents.

It’s probably been a few years at least since they have been able to help you with your homework (high school homework is pretty tough nowadays when you’ve been out of it for even six years, much less more). But—and I’m saying this with my diploma already having been in hand for six years, so they can’t take it away from me—who do you think built a cardboard rocket ship for a project in first grade? Or wrote a speech that was supposed to be the likes of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. in the third grade? Or helped you write a paper on Ancient Mesopotamia (I just had to look up how to spell ‘Mesopotamia’) in sixth grade? Yep, that would be your parents.

And who’s attended your sports games from youth league all the way to last weekend’s state championship? Your drama or musical performances? Your art shows? Or whichever activity applies to you?  You guessed it. They have been there for you every step of the way on this journey and will continue to be as you go on to accomplish whatever you do in life. They hopefully have heard the phrase ‘thank you’ often over the last 18 years, but whether it’s been frequent or not, please make sure to say ‘thank you’ to them during this time of incredible accomplishment.

And say ‘thank you’ to any siblings you have as well. Whether they’re older, younger, a twin, whatever—make sure you say thank you to them because they’re a big part of why you’re here today too, simply because they’re a part of your family. And that extends to your grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins too. Family, however it’s made up, always helps us achieve great things because of the love and support they have for us.

Next in line should be your teachers. I gave a speech during the “Moments of Reflection” portion of my class’ graduation (and I applaud those who will be doing that during this year’s ceremony), and in it I made sure to thank the excellent faculty and staff that are at the high school. In my four years there I met and felt appreciated by many of my teachers, and have developed long-term relationships and friendships with some of them in the time since graduating—two of whom you might have had, Mrs. Steidl and Mr. Tournas.

I have visited each of them at least once a year since 2009, and have enjoyed our conversations every time. I encourage you do the same with the teachers you valued, because they absolutely will appreciate it.

You see, the teachers at NCHS don’t just see it as a job—it’s a way of life for them. They’re educators because they’re invested in this nation’s future (big picture) but also in your future. They don’t expect your gratitude for doing what they love but they most certainly deserve it. One of greatest benefits for living in a town such as New Canaan is the school system, and a school system doesn’t become exceptional without exceptional teachers being a part of it. So make sure they’re a part of your ‘thank you’s’ too.

The final people you must say ‘thank you’ to are your friends. You can say ‘thank you’ to anyone else I’ve forgotten about too, but please be sure to say it to your friends.

Whether you have a best friend you’ve known since you were four (like I do), or close friends that you met somewhere along the way to today, the memories you’ve shared with them cannot be replaced.

I’m an only child, so the only people that I’ve been able to truly feel like are my siblings are my close friends, and I treat them as such.

The greatest moments of my childhood and adolescence came with them right there beside me. And when I’ve been in difficult times, too, they’ve been right there. I’m sure you have friends that are those types of people for you as well. So say ‘thank you’ and hangout with them a bunch this summer as you go off to different schools and different things.

But do still keep in touch when you’re away from them.

With today’s technology, it is super simple to keep in touch with those you care about, so please do so. It may be difficult for some to think of others that are no longer in front of them every day, but it just takes a second to say ‘Hi’ and begin a conversation like they’re right in the room with you.

Great friendships take hard work just like any other great thing in life, and it’s incredibly rewarding when you put in that work to keep the friendship going strong.

 

College

My next piece of advice has to do with your time in college.

First off, when I was in your shoes six years ago, I didn’t know what the heck to expect from college. I had only spent a couple weekends away from my parents in my first 18.5 years of life, so asking me to spend almost three months away from them, right off the bat, seemed like a lot to me.

And as I mentioned earlier, I’m an only child, so I obviously had never shared a room with someone before. Yet I was placed in a built-up triple first semester. That means I had two roommates plus me (two complete strangers by the way) in a room that was intended for just two people to live in.

Oh, and I was at a university, the University of New Hampshire, that had about 12,000 students, five of which were from New Canaan. Um, yeah…OK.

I could’ve crawled into the fetal position and cried my eyes out and hoped to go home, but I didn’t. Like I said, there’s little, if anything, to be terrified about college. It’s just a lot of new things, and new doesn’t have to mean scary.

My first class was at 8:10 a.m. and was Intro to Psychology. One of my roommates had the same class, so because we had gotten along the first few days of living together, we sat next to each other.

But it was a lecture hall class.

To this point graduates, a class with lecture to you has probably meant a class where your teacher talks a lot. Well that’s still true in college, but what’s added to it is a lecture hall class isn’t just you and 20-plus other students. Those class sizes may happen in your major (depending on the major), but otherwise it’s now you and a couple hundred (if not more) other students.

I tell you this because this is when you realize you are more responsible for your education than ever before. You will get out of the class whatever you put into it.

The instructors talking at the head of the class are now your professors, not your teachers. They will still teach and help you with any questions, but it is not their responsibility to stop the class and make sure you know whether you understand every single point they’re making. They may stop the class to ask if there are any questions, but it can also be intimidating to ask a question in front of 200 or more strangers.

So, if you have a question, approach the professor after class, go to their office hours, or set up some time to meet with them. Because not only will it show them that you care about doing well in the class, but it will also put a face to your name for them, which let’s face it, they won’t be able to do for everyone.

Continuing, your professors, at least the ones in a lecture hall class, in general, won’t force you to attend class.

I know that some of you have probably skipped class in high school before—even I did that once. However, it likely resulted in your teacher knowing about and possibly reprimanding you for it. That’s gone. If you’re not in class, the professor may not even know nor, quite frankly, care. This is your education. If you don’t want to take the responsibility for it, very few professors will make you do so.

I personally paid for most of my textbooks in college, which by the way is seriously hit or miss as far as whether you need to purchase them or not. I did to play it safe and it was necessary for some classes, but I know many who did not and did more than just pass the class.

But I bring up finances because I didn’t pay for much else in regards to my college education. My parents paid for most of it with scholarships and loans paying for the rest. Because of that, I felt personally responsible to reward those who were paying for it for their faith and belief in me—and not just attend each class regularly, but also to do the best that I could in each class.

I didn’t want to waste the money my parents and others were giving me to further my education, and I wanted to also improve my own knowledge. So I would urge those of you who are in a similar situation as I was to do the same and take responsibility of your own education. And I think this should mean even more to those who are paying out of their own pocket to go to college.

Yeah, it’s nice to sleep in every now and then, or hang with friends on a Thursday night rather than go to a 2-hour class that starts at 6 p.m., but in the end, it will be rewarding to have gone to every class, simply because you are appreciating the effort that going to college takes.

In keeping with the theme of academics at college, I want to take a moment and say that if you don’t know what you want to do as far as a major goes, it’s OK.

I went to college thinking I wanted to be the next G.M. of a pro baseball team (what Brian Cashman of the Yankees or Theo Epstein of the Cubs is currently). By the end of my first semester, I wanted to be a high school baseball coach. By the end of my time at UNH, a college baseball coach; and now, two years later, a writer, preferably an author of fiction novels and a sports reporter.

I have a close friend who changed her major half a dozen times, still graduated on time and is currently working in a field that’s close to what she wants to do.

The point is, it’s all right to not know what you want to do for the rest of your life at 18, or to have the courses you take in college be influential in changing your mind about what you want to do when you graduate. Passions can change and the intensity you pursue them with can change as well.

The goal, though, is to become passionate about something. So however many attempts it takes to become so, find what truly feels right. That’s what really matters.

A third thing I want to encourage you do in your time in college is to get involved with something. Whether it’s working at the university Rec Center, joining a club of some sort, volunteering with a local organization or charity, or becoming a student-manager of a sports team like I did with the UNH Women’s Basketball team. Just become involved with something.

You’ll likely meet students with similar interests as you and possibly become friends with them; or you could also have staff members whose job and experience with the respective program will allow them to give you some essential advice that will help you along your way.

Now before I get to my final thing, I want to request that you call your parents when you’re away at school. Yes you’re going to see them when you’re home on breaks and they may attend parent’s weekend, too.

However, the rest of the time, their baby that has been with them pretty much every day of the past 18 years now will not be. I called my parents at least twice a week, every week I was at college, and still was able to do other fun things I wanted to do with my days. So, please, call them.

One more great thing about college, one that may have sounded a bit daunting a little while ago, is all those people you don’t know when you get there. Well plenty of them are actually going to be worth knowing.

A close friend of mine from New Canaan once told me that the best friends you have in life are the ones you meet in college.

I would phrase it this way: College is a time that you can meet and develop some unbelievable, long-lasting friendships.

You remember the roommate I mentioned that I had the same first class with? Well we are best friends to this day. We never lived together the rest of college but we certainly hung out a ton during our remaining time at UNH. He’s now living in Boston and I’ve visited him up there several times since graduation.

I made other close friendships with a group of four guys, so much so that when they all lived together in an apartment senior year I was there at least three (and likely more) times a week, to the point where I was known as “The Fifth Roommate”.

And I met even more men and women who commemorate my time at UNH that I still either see or talk to frequently.

It is pure coincidence and luck as far as how you meet these people, mostly. But in building the friendships with them, it takes work but also should include a lot of fun.

Now with that last word said, “fun”, I do want to briefly state a personal fact about me. I didn’t drink alcohol until the day I turned 21. I know not everyone waits till then. It was a very personal and important decision of mine, and one I stuck to despite opportunities (and in some cases, pressure) to do otherwise.

I say this to let all of you know that I spent two-and-a-half years in college without even taking a sip of alcohol, yet still had a ton of fun. It can be done.

Some of my close friends from college have joked with me about being pretty quiet during the first couple years they knew me (almost too much so they’ve said); but they still wanted me to be friends with them, and hang out and go places with me because they’re great people. And that time spent together laid the foundation for what are today some of my greatest friendships.

It is legend that college is where all the fun stuff happens—and it can be where a lot of it does.

But have fun with others, not for others.

Do what you are comfortable with. Your friends, at least the great ones, will be your friends no matter what. So just be confident in yourself when faced with any decisions in the social college scene, and always be responsible.

 

The “Real World”

I know, I know. You are just about to graduate high school, will begin four years of college later this summer and I already am talking about life after you graduate college. Many of those who read this may not even remember this letter four years from now. But I will take that chance and just ask that you keep it in mind during your time in college because, four years from now, it will apply to you.

As I said earlier, I left college with the determination to become a college baseball coach. One possible problem with that thought was I didn’t play college baseball nor even go to a school that had it as a varsity sport.

I did coach a couple summers of youth baseball after my sophomore and junior years of college, but apparently my experience with 9-, 10-, 11- and 12-year-olds didn’t catch the attention of the head coaches whose assistant jobs to which I had applied.

I feel that I know baseball inside and out. But I admit my technical skills may be superseded by any of you who are going to college now to play baseball, so I can understand (though not entirely agree) with any coach who looked at my resume and tossed it aside.

So in addition to jobs in college coaching, I applied to jobs in sports information offices. I didn’t mention it earlier, but on top of being student-manager for women’s basketball, I also volunteered with UNH’s Athletic Communications Department.

You know the athletics websites for all of your schools? Well in most cases, the work that is done on there is done by those in the sports information-athletic communications office.

So I had first-hand experience with those, but only to a point. You see, my work with women’s basketball prevented me from learning the computer programs that are an integral part of the operation and practicing writing press releases and game stories. So while I got a couple interviews for those positions, it didn’t go any further.

All in all, I applied to upwards of 40 positions in multiple fields and was rejected by every single one of them before securing my first post-graduation internship in late January, 2014—nearly a full eight months obtaining my bachelor’s from UNH.

I know people who applied to more, however most of my close friends and fellow classmates had secured some sort of employment soon after graduation, whether it was in their desired field or not. So to not have that myself was tough.

I did make the most of those first eight months of unemployment, though, writing the draft (several of them, actually) of my first novel. It is still, almost two years later, in draft form, but I am getting closer to submitting it and just seeing what happens.

I hope it’ll be something that you can buy in the future, take a look at my name and say, “Hey, this guy gave me advice on how to approach life after graduating high school!” But whether it ever gets published or not, I still made the most of what can be seen as a pretty deflating situation.

And I made the most of my first internship as well. It was with an independent league baseball team’s ticket office, full-time, and the people I met and worked with were people who had been in the business of baseball for anywhere from two years to well over two decades. I learned a lot during my eight months there and while it demanded a lot of me, there are very few jobs these days that won’t require that of you.

Someone has probably said to you at some point, “You can do anything that you want to do.” And you may have scoffed right away or have now become hesitant of believing in it.

However, I still believe it to be true—but you have to want it. Don’t expect anything great to happen for you without doing a significant amount of work to make it so.

Very little in this life comes easy or is given. You have to work for it. And if you’re in a situation that allows you to, you must work with all your heart.

Don’t ever give up on something you want. I told my classmates and all who were in attendance at graduation in 2009 the very same thing.

My internship ended last September. Since then I have been unemployed again, pushing on nine months now. The hardship hasn’t been as bad as before because I’ve only applied to a few jobs, none of them recently. I wanted to take the time to decide what it is I truly wanted to do, and then get better at doing it.

That ‘it’ is writing, and I have gotten an amazing opportunity to have a byline with NewCanaanite.com for these last few months as a contributor and reporter.

You must find your ‘it’ and pursue it with all your desire.

Know that it will possibly be a struggle to find a job when your time in college is done. It’s been said for a while that there’s never a bad time to be in school because that means (in most cases) that you’re not in need of work.

But even if you do find a job out of college, your first job most likely won’t be your dream job.

And while it may be difficult to go from living primarily on your own for four years to going back to living at home with your parents – it’s OK to do that if it means saving your money or your first job doesn’t pay enough to allow you to live on your own without having to pinch pennies.

It’s very glamourous to live in Manhattan, Boston or L.A., or any city like them as a twenty-something – but it’s OK to live at home for a few years too.

***

I hope that you’re able to take this letter of advice and heed what’s said as you go on to this next step in your journey. It is an incredible time in all of your lives, and certainly something to be excited about.

But as you leave the halls of New Canaan High School, remember this: It opened its doors for you every day of school for the last four years, and it will continue to open its doors for you every day from now on. You just have to come on in.

Congratulations Class of 2015! And thank you for your time.